Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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