God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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