I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
