You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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