So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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