at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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