Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
