The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
