You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
