We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
