i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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