I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We have started to decorate penises.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
