dude i'm inner monologue high
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
