last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
