last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
