you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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