even my farts smell like vagina
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
