You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
