the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
