Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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