high people should be assigned attendants
Come see our sink grown plant.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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