I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
