how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Randomize
