areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
