Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
