the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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