its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
