Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
