Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
