Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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