My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
