I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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