my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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