so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
