The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
