He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
