she woke up with a sticky ear
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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