Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
