For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize