when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am spending my child support on dildos
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
