All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
