i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
