dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
