Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
