Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
