I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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