i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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