I didn't shave. On purpose
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
