i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
