he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
